


Always the Bridesmaid

by ThunderstormsandMemories



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Spoilers, it's edith and her sadness that's the only description i can really give
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 06:30:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderstormsandMemories/pseuds/ThunderstormsandMemories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edith's thoughts on the events of 3x03.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always the Bridesmaid

It was going to be the best day of her life. It was supposed to be the one day when everything was happy and perfect and, for once, all about her. She supposed she should’ve known better. When did anything ever work out in her favor?  
She had stopped hoping long ago, when man after man had fallen for Mary and never given her a second glance. And then Anthony came, and she thought that maybe she wrong, maybe there was a chance for her after all. She had allowed herself to hope, and that had been her mistake.  
For the first time, she looked forward to the future she saw stretching out ahead of her, filled with the joy and love to which she had until then always been an outsider, a spectator to others’ happiness. She saw herself mistress of a house, surrounded by a large, loving family, married to someone who finally cared about her above all others. She didn’t mind the thought of taking care of him. That was something she could do, and hadn’t she proved, during the War, that she was more than capable? And she saw, after his death (for she was not as foolish as they thought her; she knew he would most likely die long before her) she would be a gentleman’s widow, alone once more but at least now she would have children to keep her company and her own house to live in, not to be dependent on more fortunate relatives.  
She wept for the loss of what might have been and she wept for her complete and utter humiliation. She wouldn’t have wished it on anyone, not even her worst enemy. Not even Mary.  
But mostly she wept for how stupid she had been. Did she really think Anthony would want to spend the last years of his life with her? Did she really think it was possible for her to be happy? A small voice in the back of her mind told her she was being ridiculous, that it wasn’t her fault, that she deserved better than this, but it was lost underneath the rest of her thoughts screaming out how worthless and unlovable she was. Everyone else in the family could be happy. The servants could be happy. But not Edith. Never Edith.  
She wanted to scream, to throw something, anything to make the world remember that she was part of it, but that would’ve brought Mama running, her beautiful, successful, happily-married daughters in tow, and the urge to break things receded, leaving her empty and more tired than she was before. She couldn’t move; what was the point anyway? There were no more tears left for her to cry, only the oppressive silence trapping her with her thoughts, praying for sleep that didn’t come.


End file.
